Monday, October 20, 2008

All You Need To Know About Korea

So in celebration of my trip to Korea in 3 days to visit my fiancee (who's teaching there for a year), I've stopped procrastinating long enough to post these somewhat amusing clips from the "All You Need To Know About Korea" document her agency gave her before her trip:

On Beer:

Bring a couple bottles of your favorite brand for a special occasion. All the main Korean brands- Hite (aka Shite), OB Lager (aka OB Slobber), Cass (aka Ass), are light lagers (think Coors and lots of trips to the bathroom). Recently, Cass has come out with an evil creation. They call it Cass Red and its alcohol content is just under 7%. I’m fairly certain that it is normal Cass with a little bit of pure ethanol added to it, for I have woken up on numerous mornings unable to see, with a thunder storm pounding in my head. Avoid Cass Red – a more apt moniker ought to be Cass Black-out. Trust me.
On Items for Female Teachers:
  • Bras: If your bra size is larger than size AA, bring a year’s supply with you.
  • Shoes: If you wear shoes larger than size 8, bring several pairs with you.
  • Condoms: These are a good thing to have whether active or not. Asian condoms tend to break easily and do not cater to larger sizes.
More On Condoms:
Condoms: There is a reason why there are 46 million people in a country the size of Indiana or Vancouver Island. Korean condoms are small and notoriously unreliable. Bring a few boxes of condoms with you when you go.
A digression from the topic pf pets:
Koreans only eat a specific type of dog....only eaten on rare occasions- particularly as a male aphrodisiac in the summer....and when the dog is ultimately made into soup, this is what supposedly adds to one’s sexual prowess. Methinks Korean men would have better luck if they worked less than 80 hours a week, didn’t smoke like chimneys, drink like fish, learned their children's names and didn’t spend Saturday nights in hostess bars, but that is a story for another day.
On deodorant:
Deodorant doesn’t come cheap so be prepared to shell out for your Gillette Smooth Glide Gel, but can anyone really put a price on that fresh Gillette feeling? Costco offers discounts on multiple sticks, but selection is limited, so if you are particular about what goes on your pits, bring a year’s supply with you.
On Private lessions:
"Private classes are usually taught at a low Korean style table where you have to sit crosslegged for an hour at a time. For westerners not used to sitting in this position, it can be as fun as sticking coat hangers through your thigh. Don’t worry, after a few months you will be amazed at how much your quadriceps will have stretched, or you will become extremely adept at pain management."

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